Humility in Action

Humility is easy to talk about but difficult to live, which makes it all the more striking when we see it in action.

Such is the case with Sr. Evelyn Gregory, whose funeral mass and burial was today. Sr. Evelyn was a beloved spiritual director, formation director, principal, and teacher; a raconteur whose deadpan delivery of a quip was unparalleled; and a lover of poetry who, in her 90s, could still recite poems she had memorized in grade school. However, one particular memory unrelated to any of these characteristics will stay with me.

A couple of years ago, when she was living on second floor of the monastery, Sr. Evelyn slipped off the edge of a sofa onto the floor. Although she wasn’t injured, she wasn’t strong enough to lift herself back onto the sofa. Inexplicably, all the strongest sisters in the monastery happened to be away at the time, and so the prioress, Sr. Esther, enlisted my help. When the two of us were unable to lift her, Sr. Esther devised a plan: we would get a sheet under Sr. Evelyn and slide her over to a stairway bannister, which she could use to pull herself up. (The ingenuity of this plan helped me understand why wisdom and creativity are important qualifications for a prioress!) As we pulled Sr. Evelyn across the floor, she sailed along like a queen and pulled herself up without difficulty once she reached the bannister.

The remarkable thing about this episode is that Sr. Evelyn didn’t apologize for her predicament, protest that she didn’t need assistance, or show any signs of embarrassment. She accepted our help with dignity and gratitude and didn’t bemoan or try to hide her physical weakness. This humility made quite an impression on me, because giving up control isn’t easy. It is a sign of a deep spirituality and results from a lifetime of surrender to and trust in God, as well as trust in the love of one’s companions.

Walter Stanley Mooneyham said, “Love talked about is easily turned aside, but love demonstrated is irresistible.” The same can be said of humility. I’m grateful to Sr. Evelyn for giving me a beautiful demonstration of this trait, which is key to living with grace and gratitude. 

Cultivating Peace

Many people roll their eyes when a beauty pageant contestant is asked to name three wishes and the first is inevitably “world peace.” No one seems to take such a wish seriously — perhaps because (1) such a dream appears impossible to achieve and (2) it comes across as an insincere attempt to express concern for others.

Although we might envision a world of peace in which wars have ceased, nations cooperate in sharing resources and caring for the needs of the poor, and the peoples of the world are seen as interconnected, this is not the peace Jesus told us to expect. He said, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid” (Jn 14: 27).

The source of Jesus’ peace was not being loved by others, enjoying the seeming security of possessions, or having a conflict-free life; rather, it came from his relationship with his Father. He knew he was loved (“This is my beloved son”) even when others rejected him and conspired to put him to death. The peace he gives us is to know we share in that love, which is present even in the midst of human conflict, greed, and weakness.

Just as Jesus bequeathed his peace to us, we can cultivate a peaceful spirit to share with others. Here are some ways to do that:

• Treat people with respect and empathy, even when you disagree with their opinions or oppose their behavior

• Take the long view: this too shall pass

• Trust that the love of God is stronger than any obstacle you may face

• Be humble, accepting that you don’t always have answers or solutions

• Understand that appearances may be deceiving; a situation you judge as “bad” might eventually lead to “good”

• Become attached to God, not to possessions

• Spend some time in prayer and silence each day and learn how to tame your mind’s busyness and worries

Although it’s a safe assumption that we won’t experience world peace in our lifetime, we can move a little closer to that goal by cultivating inner peace, as A.P.J Abdul Kalam noted:

Where there is peace in the heart, there is beauty in the character. When there is beauty in the character, there is harmony in the home. When there is harmony in the home, there is order in the nation. When there is order in the nation, there is peace in the world.

The Breathing Together of All Things

The poet E.E. Cummings described his father, Edward Cummings, as “a preacher who horribly shocked his pewholders by crying ‘the kingdom of Heaven is no spiritual roofgarden: it's inside you.’” 

I agree with Edward Cummings that the kingdom of heaven is inside us. However, we need to take that marvelous realization a step further by understanding that it is not just inside us, it is inside everything. Perhaps this is what Teilhard de Chardin meant by “the breathing together of all things.”

It might seem ridiculous to think of an inanimate object like a desk “breathing.” However, all matter, even matter that is very dense, is made up of infinitesimal particles that have energy and are constantly moving. In order that have space to move, there must be some space between these particles. The process of these particles moving through space can be likened to breathing, as air particles move through the space in our lungs. Thus, it indeed can be said that everything that exists is breathing together! Furthermore, if we believe that God created the universe, then this movement of particles through space is God’s breath animating all things!

That the kingdom of heaven is within us through God’s breath means that we can never be separated from God. This understanding frees us from fear. That the kingdom of heaven is within all things through God’s breath means that all things are imbued with God’s Spirit. This understanding requires us to treat all other beings and all things with reverence.

We don’t need to go to a spiritual roofgarden to find the kingdom of heaven. It is both within us and around us, as water is to a school of fish. We just need to school ourselves to understand that the kingdom of heaven is in our midst and act accordingly.

Esteem for Silence

Miguel de Cervantes, who wrote the novel Don Quixote, once said, “A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.” This quotation came to mind when I heard the following passage from the Book of Sirach (5: 13-15 – 6:1) at morning prayer recently:

Be swift to hear, but slow to answer.
If you have knowledge,
answer your neighbor;
if not, put your hand over your mouth!
A man’s tongue can be his downfall.
Say nothing harmful, small or great,
Lest you acquire a bad name and disgrace.

It certainly sounds like Sirach had “long experience” in learning how to train his tongue!

It is doubtful that St. Benedict was familiar with the Book of Sirach (at least, he did not quote it in his Rule), but Sirach definitely was a man after Benedict’s own heart, for Benedict’s Rule includes a chapter on “Restraint of Speech.” In these days when we have so many social media avenues to express our opinions, restraint of speech is often seen as a quaint, outmoded notion. However, being “slow to hear but swift to answer” is contributing to the breakdown of our society as many persons spout off without regard for the truth or the consequences of their words. Their bloated pride and vanity would be laughable if they weren’t so dangerous; as it says in Proverbs 18:21, “The tongue holds the key to life and death.”

Another short sentence based on long experience is the familiar proverb “Actions speak louder than words.” The way we treat others, not our words, is the truest test of character. Furthermore, Benedict said in his Rule that “…there are times when good words are to be left unsaid out of esteem for silence” (6:2). “Listen” — the first word of Benedict’s Rule —is an anagram of “silent,” so clearly he was one who esteemed silence. If we are to gain the wisdom to meet the challenges of our current age, our starting point must be learning to esteem silence.

How's Your Heart?

Psalm 95:8 urges us, “Do not harden your heart.” We usually think of hardening our hearts against God when our desires and plans are thwarted. However, as we are seeing in these days of political polarization, we also have a tendency to harden our hearts against our neighbor.

Surely God disagrees with many of the choices we make that harm ourselves and others, and yet God never writes us off. Although eventually we have to deal with the consequences of our actions, we are never cut off from God’s mercy and forgiveness. Our gratitude should lead us to extend the same forbearance to our neighbor.

We do not know what family/religious background, life experiences, and type of education inform people’s decisions, judgments, and attitudes. It is charitable to assume that all people are doing the best they can given their life circumstances and be willing to listen to them, for only then will we find common ground in areas such as love of family, music, or nature even if we have to agree to disagree about whether to wear masks, welcome immigrants, or expand the social safety net.

At our virtual Oblate Renewal Day at the Mount, a participant said that when she feels anger or impatience with someone, she imagines herself extending her hands over the person and praying for his or her healing. The type of healing that may occur is up to God—but our desire for wholeness for another fosters wholeness in ourselves and helps us let go of anger and judgment.

If we want to live in an inclusive, peaceful society, we must enflesh that desire by welcoming all others, not just those we like and agree with, and extending peace to everyone. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” If I want to see a world where people resist hardening their hearts and exhibit tolerance, I must practice these values in my own life.

The Tribute We Pay to Life

In a 1922 book of short stories entitled Balloons by Elizabeth Bibesco, she says of one character, “He is invariably in a hurry—being in a hurry is one of the tributes he pays to life.” Contrary to what we might think about people in the early 20th century, they apparently lived hurried lives just as we do—although we have since sped up our lives even more through the invention of computers, microwaves, airplane travel, and the like.

Our attitude about being in a hurry certainly doesn’t seem to have changed much since 1922. Being busy is viewed as a badge of honor; we almost feel a sense of shame if a friend asks us what’s going on and we reply, “Nothing much.” It’s easy to see how being in a hurry can be considered a tribute to life, because the world is full of wonders and we have a limited life span, so rushing to cram in as many experiences as possible is a way of acknowledging and appreciating what life has to offer.

The problem with this approach is that appreciation requires time. Speeding through life blurs our vision, so we fail to grasp the beautiful complexity of the people and things we are hurrying past. Being constantly on the move also overloads our mind, heart, and soul, leaving us frazzled and irritable rather than peaceful and grateful.

In his Rule, St. Benedict counteracted our impulse to lead a busy life by requiring stability and stipulating set times for prayer, meals, work, study/leisure, and sleep. Ironically, the discipline of following this horarium frees us from busyness because there is no other option but to be where we are called to be. Praying slows our breathing, sitting down to a meal with others fosters relationships, working set hours forestalls preoccupation with productivity and success, taking time to read aids in focusing our mind, and resting/sleeping reminds us of our human needs and limitations.

Upon reflection, it seems that slowing down rather than being in a hurry is our real tribute to life. We do not need to regret what we might miss by moving at a more deliberate and intentional pace, for as Anne Sophie Swetchine observed, “To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others.”

Building Our Spiritual Muscles

Many of us wish that we could be kinder and more patient — but how do we develop those qualities? It might help to think of patience and kindness as muscles that we need to exercise.

People who want to increase their muscle strength do exercises that cause their muscles to deal with higher levels of resistance or weight. In the process, muscle fibers are weakened, and the body repairs these fibers by fusing them, which increases the mass and size of the muscles.

The pandemic has given us many opportunities to practice patience and kindness, to the extent that we sometimes feel we are at our breaking point. Being isolated with our family or community members for months on end has been challenging, and we can get quite frustrated with people who believe differently than we do about vaccinations, wearing of masks, and social distancing.

Nonetheless, as we look back over the past year and a half, it is likely that we have become kinder and more patient than we ever thought possible. As our patience and kindness muscles have worn thin, they have been fused by God’s grace into strengths that we can utilize beyond the pandemic.

Like all our muscles, patience and kindness will atrophy if they are not used regularly. Therefore, we need to keep in practice by performing “random kindness and senseless acts of beauty,” as suggested by Anne Herbert. At the same time, remember the adage to be careful what you pray for — because if you pray for patience, you will likely be given many opportunities to practice it!