The Sign of True Friendship

Among the remarkable things Jesus said, there is this: “I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my father” (Jn 15:15).

Friendship is different from a biological parent-child or sibling relationship because we choose our friends, and it is different from a spousal relationship because friendship typically does not include romantic, financial, or co-parenting issues. However, as with other healthy relationships, love is the basis of friendship, and as Thomas Merton said, “Love seeks one thing only; the good of the beloved.”

The friendship we are offered by Jesus is a remarkable gift. It’s not something we earn, yet inexplicably Jesus loves us and seeks our good by inviting us to share in his relationship with his Father.

An appropriate response is gratitude, as proclaimed in Psalm 71, verse 22: “I will thank you, Lord, for your true friendship.” However, if Jesus is our beloved, we also need to seek his good. He told us how to do this: “Remain in me, as I remain in you. … You are my friends if you do as I command: love one another as I love you” (Jn 15: 12, 14).

In a song written in the 1960s, Peter Scholtes said, “They’ll know we are Christians by our love.” As it turns out, love is the mark of authenticity not just of our discipleship but of our friendship with Jesus.