Life at the Threshold

Today is my last full day as a novice before I make my first profession as a Benedictine sister. It is a threshold time. What should I do?

Go to morning prayer and mass…. Eat breakfast…. Go for a walk…. Do a load of laundry…. Finish some editing work….

God is found in the ordinary even at times of transition, although our awareness of God’s presence is often heightened at such times. The other day when I was picking tomatoes, a honey bee buzzed around me repeatedly and landed on my forearm several times. Ted Andrews notes in his book Animal Speak, “The bee is the reminder to extract the honey of life…and that no matter how great the dream there is the promise of fulfillment if we pursue it.” St. Benedict would translate that as “What can be sweeter to us than the voice of the Lord inviting us? See how the Lord in his love shows us the way of life.”

I also was aware of God’s presence yesterday in the form of a hawk that landed on a tree not far from where I was walking. Hawks are usually permanent residents in an area, reflecting the vow of stability I will be making. They have keen vision, which I will need to see God in my life and in the community and world. In their flight, hawks teach us balance, which is also a lesson of the vow of fidelity to the monastic way of life.  

The day is yet young; perhaps before I go to bed tonight I will also be given a sign of my call to obedience, the third vow I will take tomorrow. If that happens, I’m sure it will occur in an extraordinarily ordinary way!

Pilgrimage into the Vowed Life

Before I entered Mount St. Scholastica as a postulant, I went on a pilgrimage to Wales. As I stand on the threshold of making my first profession, I am preparing to make another pilgrimage of sorts—a pilgrimage into the vowed Benedictine life.

In the book Living Between Worlds: Place and Journey in Celtic Spirituality, Philip Sheldrake notes, “The true object of pilgrimage had always been a loving attention to God; there was a deep suspicion of pilgrims who did not already carry with them the God whom they sought.” My primary object in making vows as a Benedictine is to grow in awareness and love of the God who has always been with me. I’m grateful to have the support of the community in this, our common quest.

The vows are tools derived from the wisdom of St. Benedict, and I will gladly make use of them. However, whether we make formal vows or not, everyone who rises to a new day is invited to enter into the mystery of loving Christ, who often becomes present to us in surprising ways. Along with St. Brendan, we can pray:

Help me to journey beyond the familiar

and into the unknown.

Give me the faith to leave old ways

and break fresh ground with you.

Christ of the mysteries, I trust you

to be stronger than each storm within me.

I will trust in the darkness and know

that my times, even now, are in your hand.

Tune my spirit to the music of heaven,

and somehow, make my obedience count for you.

Wisdom of the Heart

When John McCain was running for president of the United States, he wanted to choose Joe Lieberman as his running mate, but his advisors talked him into choosing Sarah Palin instead. It is now believed that McCain would have been more likely to have won if he had followed his instincts and chosen Lieberman. We will never know for sure how that scenario would have played out, but one thing we do know is that when we listen to the wisdom that is provided to us, we live in peace instead of with regrets.

We often pray for wisdom; for example, in Chapter 9 of the book of Wisdom, Solomon prays, “Send her [wisdom] forth from your holy heavens and from your glorious throne dispatch her that she may be with me and work with me….” And how does wisdom dwell with us and work with us? Most notably through our intuition. Yet we often fail to trust that the wisdom that comes to us at such times is truly from God.

Wisdom is one of the fruits of the Spirit and is available to all creatures. Animals and plants are much better at following their internal wisdom than humans are. Let us be alert to and trust in the wisdom that comes to us when we listen and incline the ear of our hearts. As Psalm 85:12 says, “Indeed, the Lord will give what is good.”

Resisting Expectation

We humans generate expectations because of our desire to feel secure and be in control. However, God has little regard for our expectations. I generally expect August weather to be hot and humid, and this morning I woke up to temperatures in the low 60s with a light breeze. What a delightful surprise!

Other surprises aren’t so pleasant. My older brother was laid off his job in Ogden, Utah, after being employed there only three years. What awful news! Three and a half months later, he was hired to be managing editor of the Yakima Herald-Republic newspaper. What great news!

We don’t know what each day will bring, but we can choose to remember that God is in the midst of it, whether what we encounter is to our liking or not. What we judge to be pleasant can bring refreshment and joy to our hearts. What we judge to be distressing can be an opportunity to trust that God will bring good out of it. May we grow in the discipline to resist judgment and take life as it comes, knowing that God is at the center of all that was and is and will be.

Sharing the Dream

The 55th anniversary of the Civil Rights March that brought 250,000 people to the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, DC, will be commemorated on August 28, 2018. It was at this event that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., proclaimed “I Have a Dream!” Most people don’t know that Dr. King had started to deliver a totally different speech in which the word “dream” wasn’t even mentioned. At one point as Dr. King was reading this other speech, the singer Mahalia Jackson called out, “Tell them about the dream, Martin! Tell them about the dream!” Dr. King looked over at her and then set aside his prepared speech. He became transformed from lecturer to preacher, speaking words from his heart that inspire us to this day.

At that moment, Mahalia Jackson felt the prompting of the Spirit and responded by encouraging her friend, Dr. King, to feel it and act on it too. Her attunement to the Spirit can inspire us to speak out and encourage each other when we need to fight for changes in unjust systems and advocate for the rights of the abused and oppressed. It appears we are at such a moment now in the Church, as we recognize the need for a new model of collaborative leadership. Concentrating power in the hands of a small segment of the church—the clergy—is an unhealthy model that has led to abuses. We must allow all members of the Body of Christ who have been blessed with wisdom and gifts such as administration, money management, teaching, and preaching to share in the responsibility of guiding the church.

All those who have been baptized and confirmed in the Spirit have a sacred responsibility to respond to the prompting of that Spirit. We may not have the voice of Mahalia Jackson, who was an extraordinary gospel singer, but we can learn from her how to use our own voice to encourage others to speak their dream of a just, inclusive, and nurturing kingdom of God.

Being Seen By God

Today’s gospel reading regarding the call of Nathaniel mentions specifically that Nathaniel was sitting under a fig tree when he was approached by Philip. Why did John include this curious detail in his story? I found an explanation by James Rush, who noted, “According Rabbi Maimonides, if an Israelite wanted to express thanks for times of abundance or hope in difficult times one way would be to pray underneath a fig tree. Praying under a fig tree indicated complete trust in God and specifically that God would ‘see him.’ When Jesus said ‘I saw you under the fig tree,’ it immediately completed Nathaniel’s reason for being under the fig tree in the first place.... To be seen as a faithful Israelite by God” (https://christianity.stackexchange.com/questions/44884/john-147-49-understanding-nathaniel).

We don’t have to sit under a fig tree, or in any particular place at all, to be seen and known by God. As St. Augustine stated, “In order for us to see, we have been seen; in order for us to love, we have been loved.” God sees us as we are, enabling us to see and accept our own weaknesses and giftedness; God loves us as we are, prompting us to share that joy by loving others.

To be seen and loved is a powerful and life-changing experience. Being seen frees us from using all our energy to hide our weaknesses and failings and helps us take responsibility for using the gifts we have been given. Being known and loved leads us to recognize God (as Nathaniel proclaimed, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the king of Israel”) and fuels our zeal to share our joy by extending that love to others. That is why we should care a fig about where Nathaniel was sitting when he received the call to follow Jesus!

The Lessons of Heartbreak

It is clear that a great many people are feeling heartbroken because of the news about how bishops and other leaders of the Roman Catholic Church in Pennsylvania covered up child sexual abuse of more than 1000 victims by 300 priests over a period of 70 years.

Heartbreak is an inescapable response to this situation. As noted by the poet David Whyte, “Heartbreak is an indication of our sincerity…and is [an] essence and emblem of care….  Heartbreak may be the very essence of being human, of being on the journey from here to there, and of coming to care deeply for what we find along the way.”

What we find along the way of following Christ is that we belong to one another. Consequently, we will reverence, protect, and nurture each other, with special care given to those who are most vulnerable and powerless—children, elderly persons, the poor, and refugees.

Maria Popova notes that being heartbroken is a sign of maturity, a “psycho-emotional growth-spurt.” In the context of belonging to the Catholic church, this means that the laity will hold church leaders accountable for their actions and decisions instead of deferring to them and believing they will do no wrong. It means that the laity will take responsibility for being leaders in the church instead of relinquishing that role to priests, bishops, and archbishops. It means that we will do the nuts and bolts work of putting policies and practices in place to ensure that the vulnerable are protected and their needs are met.

Heartbreak, although difficult to experience, strengthens our determination to take care of each other. We must grieve over the shattered lives of victims and their families and the betrayal we have all experienced. Then we must act to create a church that is true to the teachings of Christ.