God the Recycler

A very big step in the process of being enfolded in the life of Mount St. Scholastica is undergoing training to do dishes. Last Friday night I learned how to be a “stacker,” and as I stood before the industrial dish washer, sprayer, and piles of dirty dishes, I had a flashback to my first “real” job as a kitchen aide at Cushing Memorial Hospital, which consisted of the exact same duties. My trainer at the Mount, Sr. Barb Conroy, gave me an A+ for my first night’s efforts in the dish room, which I solely attribute to muscle memory from that first job 38 years ago.

God, it seems, is a master recycler. Even when we make mistakes or wrong turns, the Spirit finds ways to put those experiences to use in unexpected ways. For example, when I was a student at Benedictine College, I decided to get a secondary teaching certificate, which seemed like a prudent move for an English major. I knew deep down that teaching wasn’t my calling, but I forged ahead anyway and was miserable as a student teacher. I never taught in front of a classroom again, but I now find myself using the lesson planning and test writing skills I acquired all those years ago as I plan Scripture study sessions for Lansing Correctional Facility and as I write quizzes for the health education materials that I edit.

Trusting in God’s recycling capabilities frees us to take chances and explore pathways with the sure knowledge that no matter the outcome, our experiences will be used in the service of the body of Christ some way, somehow…even when it comes to our sins. Like any good dumpster diver, the Spirit can take what appears ugly, broken, outdated, or useless in our lives, repurpose it, and make its value shine.

Grounded in Tenacity

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.—Confucian proverb

Recently I read a reflection about how all things in creation can be our teachers. During my first weeks of monastic life, my teacher did not appear in bird song or fluttering butterflies, but in the lowly weed. “Ah,” you might think, “she needs to learn the Benedictine value of humility!” Although that is certainly true, at this particular time in my life, I believe the virtue about which the weeds have been instructing me is tenacity.

Just as you can pull a weed and two more will appear a week later, monastic life requires perseverance and a determination to flourish, whether in the clay soil of Kansas or in the aftermath of an earthquake in Norcia, Italy. The keys to Benedictine tenacity are the support of community (have you ever seen a weed, or a monastic, without at least several more nearby?) and a commitment to prayer.

Today, on the feast of St. Monica, Fr. Gabriel noted at mass that this holy woman is a saint not because of the conversion of her famous son, Augustine, but because of her perseverance in prayer. Such perseverance is important because prayer is a constant reminder that success does not come through our own efforts but by placing our lives in the hands of God.

If prayer, like weeding, can sometimes seem like a never-ending prospect, that is because it is! Pray always…weed always…learn tenacity, and you will flourish in the kingdom of God. 

Sacred Surprises

One of the most challenging and humbling aspects of joining the Mount community is the effect that my decision has had on the life of others. For example, the time I’m able to spend with close friends in St. Louis will be much more limited, I had to say goodbye to my Scripture study group in Leavenworth, I’ll be cutting back on my prison ministry, the Sisters at the Marywood living group now have a new roommate to adjust to…the list goes on and on. Like ripples that form on a pond when a stone is thrown into the water, our decisions radiate throughout our immediate community and beyond, which is perhaps the most important reason to engage in careful discernment.

At times of decision making I am especially grateful to be part of the body of Christ, for you always provide support and patience even when my decisions change your own lives in ways you might not have chosen. This call to support each other, though sometimes difficult, enables us to participate in the flow of God’s life and opens us to sacred surprises.

I am actually most anxious about the effects of my move on my two former feline companions, Ellie and Gracie, for our close bond has been severed, and I’m concerned about what this loss will mean for them. They are currently staying with the friend who is buying my house, but their cohabitation with his own cat has not been peaceful, and I need to find them a new home. I am hopeful that someone will be open to the sacred surprise of living with a beautiful, patient, wise black cat and a playful, inquisitive calico!

God's Timing

When I told my uncle Johnny that, at the age of 54 years, I was planning to join the Benedictines, he thundered enthusiastically in his deep voice, “Good! You should’ve done it 30 years ago!” I replied, “Well … maybe 5 years ago.” He shook his head. “Nope! Thirty years ago!”

Little did he know that about 32 years ago I did discern about whether I should join the Mount community, when I was a senior at Benedictine College. I remember sitting on the floor in the silence of  St. Scholastica chapel, my back against a pew, and realizing with regret, “No—this feels too confining.” This realization was so definitive that I never considered revisiting the possibility during the coming decades, even as the pursuit of prayer, community, and knowledge of God remained a thread in my life.

It was only after (1) working three years at the National Catholic Reporter Publishing Company; (2) earning a master’s degree in pastoral counseling from Loyola College in Baltimore; (3) working at BOYS HOPE and a medical publishing company and being part of a dynamic parish community (St. Cronan) in St. Louis; (4) being on staff at Shantivanam House of Prayer for seven years; (5) taking care of my parents in the years before they died; (6) buying a house in Leavenworth and joining a prison ministry group; and (7) becoming an oblate of the Mount that the Holy Spirit visited in the form of a thought that unexpectedly popped into my head: “You should consider joining the Benedictines.”

I stood in astonishment as the realization sunk in that my life was going to change dramatically, because I now sensed that monastic life offered freedom rather than confinement, and I knew with certainty that this would now be my path. Though I embarked on a year-long “discernment” process with Sr. Barbara Smith, I already knew I would be joining the community—I just needed time to get used to the idea.

When I listen to some of the Sisters talk about being a Benedictine for 50, 60, or 70 years, I regret that I won’t have as many years in community. However, it’s clear to me that when we listen to our intuition, we are submitting to and trusting in God’s timing, which will lead us in the right direction. Thirty-two years ago, I wasn’t ready to become a Benedictine. God knew that, and I’m very grateful for the enriching experiences and wonderful companions I’ve been gifted with these past 32 years. They helped form me, and I carry them with me now that the time is right to be part of the monastic community of Mount St. Scholastica.