Finding Hope in Our Mistakes

Comedian Sam Levenson offers this advice, which is especially worth pondering at the end of the year: “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make all of them yourself.”

Typically at year’s end many of us pause to review our accomplishments, perhaps for an annual Christmas newsletter. However, it might also be a good practice to look back at the mistakes we made in the past year. Why? Acknowledging our mistakes keeps us grounded and humble. It gives us a chance to be grateful for the patience shown to us by God and by our family, friends, community members, and colleagues. It allows us to forgive ourselves and move into the new year with a lighter heart and the intention to be more considerate and generous in our daily interactions.

So what’s your year-end roundup of mistakes? Did you insist on your own way at times, to the detriment of your relationships? Did you injure yourself because you insisted on playing a sport or doing a chore that you no longer have the strength for? Did you step on another person’s feelings, disappoint someone who was counting on you, buy too much food and let it go to waste, or indulge in gossip and criticism?

James Joyce said, “Mistakes are the portal of discovery.” Through our mistakes, we learn who we want to be and how to live a good life. Thus our goal shouldn’t be to eliminate all mistakes from our lives but to learn from them.

One of the vows that Benedictines take is to practice conversatio morum, or fidelity to the monastic way of life, which means being continually open to transformation. This practice is illustrated by a story in which someone asked a Benedictine monk, “What do monks do all day?” He responded, “We fall and we get up, we fall and we get up, we fall and we get up.”

The writer Neil Gaiman captured the spirit of conversatio morum when he said, “I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're doing something.”

Blessings as you cross the threshold of 2023, and may your openness to change in yourself, your loved ones, and the world bring you vitality and peace of heart.

Venturing Through Open Doors

I recently came across a prayer for the new year by Debbie McDaniel that included these lines: “We ask that you open doors needing to be opened and close the ones needing to be shut tight. We ask that you help us release our grip on the things to which you’ve said ‘no,’ ‘not yet,’ or ‘wait.’”

Sister Wendy Beckett understood this prayer well. She spent many years as a teacher while longing for the contemplative life. Eventually she was able to live as a hermit, only to have God open an unusual door for her late in her life as the host of a BBC television series about art called Sister Wendy’s Odyssey. This experience gave Sister Wendy the following insight: “We will never find Him completely if we only want to engage with Him on the level we have chosen.”

The beginning of a new year is a good time to ask for the grace to venture through unexpected doors that open for us and stop rattling the handles of doors that are closed. If we want to meet God only on our own terms, we will cut ourselves off from the richness of the divine imagination that would infuse our lives with wonder, vitality, and sacred purpose. As Rainer Maria Rilke said, “And now let us welcome the year that is given to us, new, untouched, full of things that have never been.”

 

Cultivating Holiness Through Our Work

The mystic Meister Eckhart said, “Do not think that saintliness comes from occupation; it depends rather on what one is. The kind of work we do does not make us holy, but we may make it holy.”

I pondered this insight as it relates to Mary of Nazareth. Mary tends to be revered because of her occupation, so to speak: the mother of God. However, it is not this position in and of itself that makes her holy. Rather, it was her openness to listen, to trust God, and to act on the invitation extended by the Angel Gabriel that made her holy. Furthermore, once she made her decision, she accepted the responsibility and the consequences of her choice without grumbling or trying to renege.

Mary must have been an extraordinary mother, for we can surmise that she nurtured her son’s remarkable compassion for the poor and ailing, modeled the life of prayer that he adopted, and taught him to believe that God would fulfill God’s promises, even in the face of death. She could have brought up her son to be proud, selfish, entitled, and arrogant; instead, she made her work of mothering holy by drawing on her own humility, deep faith, and radical trust.

Just as with Mary, our work does not confer holiness on us, but we make it holy by the care and attentiveness with which we do it. I’ve known as many holy dental hygienists, certified nursing assistants, and preschool teachers as holy physicians, college professors, and chief executive officers. During the Advent and Christmas season, may holy Mary inspire us to attend to our vocation, whatever it is, with care, commitment, and the knowledge that God is always with us.

Cultivating Intergenerational Kindness

Benedictine monasteries have always practiced intergenerational living. In his Rule, St. Benedict states clearly, “The younger monks, then, must respect their seniors, and the seniors must love their juniors…. Whenever brothers meet, the junior asks his senior for a blessing. When an older monk comes by, the younger rises and offers him a seat… In this way, they do what the words of Scripture say: They should each try to be the first to show respect to the other (Rom 12:10).”

Many young people today don’t grow up around their grandparents, so they miss out on having nurturing relationships with their elders. For Ruby Chitsey, this was remedied when her mom suggested that she volunteer at her workplace, a nursing home. As Ruby developed relationships with the residents, she noticed that they didn’t have money to spend on things like haircuts, new shoes, or small treats, such as a favorite type of candy or a new novel. Ruby decided to remedy that, and her efforts mushroomed into the charitable organization “Three Wishes for Ruby’s Residents.” Since 2019 Ruby has raised more than $400,000 for her cause and has granted wishes for 25,000 nursing home seniors.

Ruby’s work was highlighted on the CNN’s 2022 Heroes Special, where she said something that caught my attention: “My hobby is kindness.” Most of us think of a hobby as a way to relieve stress or to express our creative instincts. However, as Ruby has shown, hobbies that entail outreach to others can help us practice kindness until it becomes a way of life.

As any Benedictine can attest, intergenerational living provides a fertile ground for practicing kindness, and we should foster these relationships in our society. As the writer Henry James noted, “Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.”

Advent Emptiness

Advent calls us to have an empty head and an empty heart.

If that sounds rather foolish and bleak, consider the following advice by Bruce Lee: “Empty your cup so it may be filled.”

If our heads are full of what we think God is supposed to look like and act like, we risk missing the Messiah in our midst. Even John the Baptist had his doubts about whether Jesus was “the One who is to come”; he apparently expected a more triumphant, king-like figure, along the lines of King David. Yet if we acknowledge that God is uncontainable, should we be surprised at his choice to be born of a young Jewish maiden from the backwater of Nazareth and to spend his time healing and teaching rather than smiting others and residing in a castle?

If our hearts are full of our own dreams and desires, we risk missing the invitation to bring Christ to birth through service to others who need us in unexpected ways. Mary of Nazareth had questions about how she, a virgin, could conceive and bear God’s son, but she entrusted her heart to her God and became the mother of Jesus, God with us.

Let us put on the mind and heart of Advent—open, receptive, and empty of preconceived notions about God’s intentions and how our lives should unfold. Then our head and our heart will be prepared to recognize and receive God in ways beyond our imagining.