Cultivating Intergenerational Kindness

Benedictine monasteries have always practiced intergenerational living. In his Rule, St. Benedict states clearly, “The younger monks, then, must respect their seniors, and the seniors must love their juniors…. Whenever brothers meet, the junior asks his senior for a blessing. When an older monk comes by, the younger rises and offers him a seat… In this way, they do what the words of Scripture say: They should each try to be the first to show respect to the other (Rom 12:10).”

Many young people today don’t grow up around their grandparents, so they miss out on having nurturing relationships with their elders. For Ruby Chitsey, this was remedied when her mom suggested that she volunteer at her workplace, a nursing home. As Ruby developed relationships with the residents, she noticed that they didn’t have money to spend on things like haircuts, new shoes, or small treats, such as a favorite type of candy or a new novel. Ruby decided to remedy that, and her efforts mushroomed into the charitable organization “Three Wishes for Ruby’s Residents.” Since 2019 Ruby has raised more than $400,000 for her cause and has granted wishes for 25,000 nursing home seniors.

Ruby’s work was highlighted on the CNN’s 2022 Heroes Special, where she said something that caught my attention: “My hobby is kindness.” Most of us think of a hobby as a way to relieve stress or to express our creative instincts. However, as Ruby has shown, hobbies that entail outreach to others can help us practice kindness until it becomes a way of life.

As any Benedictine can attest, intergenerational living provides a fertile ground for practicing kindness, and we should foster these relationships in our society. As the writer Henry James noted, “Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.”