The Sturdy Shelter of Friendship

Recently I saw the movie Moonlight, which tells the story of a boy, Chiron, who was bullied throughout his childhood, mainly because he was gay. Because Chiron has spent so much of his energy protecting himself and dealing with his anger and rejection, he reaches adulthood without really knowing what he believes, what gifts he might have, and what values he wants to uphold. Chiron ends up becoming a drug dealer, despite the fact that drugs destroyed his mother’s life and killed the man who became like a father to him during his boyhood. Fortunately, Chiron’s sole friend from his teen years reaches out to him, and Chiron has the courage to reconnect with the one person who understands his pain, confusion, and vulnerability and enables him to be honest with himself. By reaching out to Chiron, this friend likely saves his life.

All of us have a deep-seated need to be seen and known for who we are, which is one reason Psalm 139 is so compelling (“O Lord, you search me and you know me….”). We are doubly blessed if we have an earthly companion who knows us through and through, accepts us, helps us discover what we believe and what we really want to do, and encourages us to be a gift to the world by being our own true self. As the book of Sirach says, “A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; the person who finds one finds a treasure. A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy….”

Jesus said, “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” We generally think of laying down our life as being a dramatic gesture, such as taking a bullet for another. However, laying down one’s life can also mean the mundane daily dying to self that enables us to put aside our own desires so we can give our time and attention to our friends—creating a sturdy shelter for them, as it were. Actively practicing the art of friendship is important because we never know when we might be called upon to be a life-saving remedy to a friend.