A Grand Gift for Silence

When people are asked what qualities they look for in a friend, characteristics such as “supportive,” “loyal,” “patient,” and “good sense of humor” are often mentioned. The famous literary detective Sherlock Holmes added a seldom-mentioned quality to this list when he said to his friend, Dr. Watson, “You have a grand gift for silence, Watson. It makes you quite invaluable as a companion.”

Here is a clue as to why being silent is a grand gift to our friends: “silent” is an anagram of “listen.” People who are comfortable with silence are generally good listeners, and to be listened to is healing, because it affirms our worth and leads to clarity.

I recently read an interview in The Sun magazine with Jared Seide, who uses a listening technique called “Council” with people who experience a lot of stress, such as health care providers, police officers, students and teachers in poor neighborhoods, and prison inmates and guards. He reports that simply sitting in a circle and listening generously and without judgment as others speak about their experiences can be “transformative in its ability to cultivate compassion and reduce defensiveness and aggression.” He also notes that it helps us be present to each other and to make sense of our lives.

St. Benedict was careful to school his monks in the value of silence; the very first words of his Rule are “Listen and incline the ear of your heart.” He knew that listening to God and to others is transforming, and that developing “a grand gift for silence” helps us meet the deep longing of others to be heard, to be recognized, and to be healed. May we not overlook the value of silence and listening in our efforts to love God with all our mind, heart and soul and to love our neighbor as ourselves!