Lessons from Life's Ferocities

The poet Jane Hirshfield says, “To love your life means agreeing to its joys, warmth, light, and also to its ferocities and transience.”

I confess that I have only reluctantly agreed to the ferocity of a backache I’ve experienced for the past week after slipping and falling down a short hill, along with its revelation that the past resilience of my body is fading. Still, ferocities and transience teach wisdom that can’t be gained by joy, warmth, and light.

God was humorously prompt in teaching me one lesson as a result of my fall. Just before I slipped, I was dragging a large bag of mulch down to the garden; Sr. Delores Dolezal saw me and called out, “Do you need help?” “No!” I called back, and she went on her way. Two minutes later, after I heaved the bag down the hill, I tumbled down after it. Lesson learned: I need the humility to accept help when it is offered, because I’m not as strong as I like to think I am.

Another bit of wisdom I take from this incident is not to tempt fate by taking shortcuts. It would have taken me just an extra few minutes to walk around the hill instead of trying to go down it. Why am I in such a hurry? Unfortunately, it is likely because the more efficient I am the more productive I can be, and productivity is my measure of self-worth. I suspect God would much rather I enjoy work for the pleasure of working and feel valued as a result of being created and loved by God.

Finally, my backache as taught me compassion for others who are dealing with pain. E. Jane Rutter says, “I’d like to think that the spirit of kindness has settled naturally into my bones,” as would I, but when those bones are bruised it’s all too easy to be irritable, which I’ll remember when I encounter irritability in others.

I have noticed that in the monastery, sisters tend to share cycles of ailments—there are always three or four people who have sciatica, broken wrists, or sprained ankles at the same time. Sure enough, three other sisters have had back problems in the past couple of weeks. I guess you might say that my own backache is a sign I have been incorporated fully into the community!