Resting in God

As part of my formation program, Sr. Marcia Ziska and I are reading and discussing the book Praying the Truth by William Barry, SJ. Barry invites readers to ask God, “What do you want for our friendship?”

Before I could take that step, I had to ponder the concept of having a friendship with God. Scripture doesn’t exactly abound in models of friendship with God…Abraham, Moses, and David, perhaps, but they were extraordinary personages. To me, God the Creator has always seemed too awesome—and too busy—for the intimacy and time required of a friendship. Christ seems more approachable, having once been human in the person of Jesus, but still feels more like a teacher than a friend, and the awe factor is an impediment there, too. In addition, because of my upbringing, I tend to think of God the Creator and God the Redeemer as masculine, whereas I associate friendship with more feminine qualities, likely because most of my closest friends are women (with a few happy exceptions). I’ve come to associate the Holy Spirit with the feminine qualities of nurturing, presence, and gift giving…could I imagine a friendship with the mysterious third person of the Trinity?

When I asked God the Spirit “What do you want for our friendship?” the response I got was “I want you to relax into me.” I wasn’t expecting that reply, though in retrospect, it’s not surprising. The months preceding my entry into the Mount were very active and demanding as I traveled, dismantled my house, and moved, and my first five weeks in the community have been a blur of meeting new people, learning new routines, and participating in community activities. As with anyone joining a new group, I’ve also found myself working hard to make a good impression (“Look at how many beans I picked!”). The Spirit’s invitation of friendship does not entail adding to my list of things to do and learn, but rather relaxing and experiencing what it means to rest in God. Letting go of the satisfaction and sense of control that comes with doing will be a challenge, but if God the Spirit wants to be my hammock for a while, how can I refuse that invitation?