One of the bits of wisdom we acquire with age is well stated
by Abraham Joshua Heschel: “When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that
I am old, I admire kind people.” How does the experience that comes with age lead
us to value kindness? I believe it occurs when we come to understand, as Rev.
John Watson said, “Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
Recently, the movie Manchester
By the Sea reminded me of that important truth. At first the main character
is a puzzle because, although he is young, attractive, and healthy, he chooses
to isolate himself, has no desire to better his life, and is practically
noncommunicative. Only later do we learn that he is carrying an immense grief
that has crippled him.
We often don’t know what the people around us are wrestling
with—it might be sadness about a death that occurred years ago, the resurfacing
of an addiction, regrets about what might have been, depression stemming from
maltreatment in childhood, or the diminishment that comes with aging. Therefore, when we encounter people whose behavior puzzles or irritates us, we need to train ourselves to respond with kindness, which is manifested as patience, compassion, and presence. As all
of us can attest, kindness is sometimes the only light that can reach us when
we are immersed in our battles to let go, to trust, and to forgive.
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